Chazography

Last night (for the first time in quite a while), I decided to splurge on a meal that would leave any nutritionist cringing. Realizing most places I wanted to order from were closed, I decided to try something different, and so, I scoured over the menu of an Italiian Pizzeria called Cinelli’s. Deciding what I wanted turned out to be quite a chore as the menu was quite expansive. It could have just been hunger setting in, but it felt like the menu just went on forever and ever. There was pizza, sandwiches, chicken marsala, chicken parmigiana, pollo verdi, pollo surrentini, small flock of cornish hens, veal parmagiana, veal francese, veal paillard, veal saltimbocca, whole herd of cattle, mozzarella sticks, fried calamari, buffalo wings, stuffed mushrooms, shrimp scampi, shrimp-kabobs, shrimp creole, shrimp gumbo, pan fried shrimp, deep fried shrimp, stir-fried shrimp, pineapple shrimp, lemon shrimp, coconut shrimp, pepper shrimp, shrimp soup, shrimp stew, shrimp salad, shrimp and potatoes, shrimp burger, shrimp sandwich…. that- that’s about it.

In the end, I decided to go with a stromboli as it was something that I’d never tried before. After extensive deliberation, there remained only one last query. Did I want a normal or large stromboli? Having seen a rather large stromboli ordered by someone in the past, I ignorantly assumed that what I’d seen was the large. Consequently, my onsetting hunger persuaded me to order the large portion. I don’t know how to put it lightly… that was a BIG MISTAKE!

In any case, I called, placed my order, and then began the process of waiting. About forty-five minutes later my phone rang, and the delivery man alerted me that he was downstairs. So I threw on some shoes and headed down to meet him. He handed me what I initially believed was the wrong order because, I swear, one of the boxes was the size of a small Mack truck. I soon realized what I’d ordered was not a stromboli, but rather, it was a mountain of dough stuffed to the brim with meats and cheeses. I will hence forth refer to it as the “Stromboli-zilla”. I took a picture for reference purposes.

At first, I wasn’t sure what to do with it. If I had to bunker down in anticipation of nuclear winter, I’d have enough food to last me a lifetime. On the other hand, I could use it as some crazy Halloween prop to scare trick-or-treaters (I know the thing sure scared me… I almost wet huggies). I actually came up with a small list of other possible uses.

Possible “Stromboli-zilla” Uses

• Shield in case of riot
• Giant weapon to flog enemies
• Moonwalk (oozing cheese could make it kinda messy)
• Replacement for inflatable mats used by fire department
• Barge (to carry… barge stuff?)
• Umbrella (might be difficult to carry)
• Barricade for a castle

After overcoming my fear of my meal, I decided to try and dig in. I’m happy to announce I think I ate maybe 1/1000 of the entire stromboli! YES! Shortly afterwards, I was rushed to the hospital where I gave birth to a lovely stromboli baby! Not really, but it makes for an interesting story.

(I can’t believe I wrote a whole entry about a freaking Stromboli! I’m such a dork!)