Huffing Febreze

I’ve got to hand it to the people who invented Febreze; I absolutey love it. Actually, I think they put cocaine or heroine in this product because I’m absolutely addicted. After spraying my “Spring & Renewal” scented can of Frebreze around my room, I can’t help but lie on the floor for hours upon end sniffing that springy renewal goodness . Okay… maybe that’s a stretch, but I’m not kidding when I say I love this stuff.

To give you some insight into my emphatuation, I actually sat down and started reading all the directions and warnings on the back of the can. Yeah, it’s that bad, and it didn’t hurt that I was a little bored at the time. I was a little surprised, however, when I got down to one of the cautionary notes.

“CAUTION: USE ONLY AS DIRECTED. Intentional misuses by deliberately concentraing and inhaling the contents can be harmful or fatal. Help stop inhalatoin abuse. For more information, visit www.inhalant.org. Some hard surfaces may become damp when sprayed. Avoid slips or falls.”

Now, I like really like this stuff, and I’m sure I’ve inhaled a LOT of it. Yet, I also know this warning isn’t dealing with my excessive use of the product for it’s awesome aromatic properties, and I was rather curious to see what www.inhalant.org was all about. Afterall, who wouldn’t want to help stop inhalant abuse? The site talks about crazy juveniles who want to get high off pretty much anything they can and is basically a resource for parents. I’ve got to say that It’s a rather sad state of affairs when they have to put these warnings on Febreze! It’s Febreze! Why are you getting high off it? It’s those crazy aerosol cans I tell you!

In any case, I saw that a parent can get an “Inhalant Abuse Kit” from the website, and I’m sure you’re dying to know what’s in it. If not… oh well.

Inhalant Abuse Kit

• Interactive CD-ROM
• Brochures
• Poster
• FAQ Sheet
• Pencil
• Evaluation Form

According to the site, “It is intended to provide adults with the tools needed to talk to children about this issue.” I really don’t get how these items are going to help an adult talk to a child about this issue, but I am dying to see the poster. I can see it now… a stoned Trix Rabbit saying, “Silly kids, sniffing is for stoners!” (I’m probably going to hell for that comment). And what’s with the evaluation form? Is the parent supposed to evaluate how well he or she talked to their kid? Then, of course, there’s the pencil which is an essential part of the kit because so few people have them, and it truly does help a parent talk to their kids about sniffing Febreze. Still, as a parent, I’d get a kit just for the poster! Man, I really want that poster!

UPDATE: My illustration of Inhalant Abuse Kit poster.

Trix Rabbit © General Mills, Inc., Febreze © Proctor & Gamble.
This illustration does not illustrate the views of General Mills, Inc. or Proctor & Gamble

Of course, the second warning struck me as rather lame. Afterall, you don’t need to tell me avoid “slips or falls” because I already try to dodge those on my own, but thanks for the warning… I guess? On a more positive note, at least I know where to go if my love for Febreze gets out of control thanks to the first warning. Future studies, afterall, could indicate that Febreze is a gateway drug which leads to huffing due to it’s extremely pleasing fragrances. If that’s the case, I’m in big trouble, and I’m on my way to becoming a Febreze junkie.