Before I knew it, I looked up and it was December 2nd, and I’d failed to make two of my “daily” posts. I looked and I looked, but it was like trying to find Calista Flockhart in a room full of… well, anything. I realized this was a horrible, horrible thing, and I’m sure that those who derive any pleasure from what I write here must have been mortified. My writing is like cocaine, and you know what a cocaine junkie gets like when he or she needs a fix, don’t you? Yeah, I’m not exactly sure what they’re like either, but I’m sure it’s not good. Afterall, they’re addicted to crack cocaine… a drug named after part of their butt! This forced me to pontificate. Yes, it caused me to pontificate, and I pontificated long and hard to figure out just what went wrong. Finally, I came to a realization of just why I missed those posts, and let me tell you… they were some pretty good reasons. So here they go in reverse, backwards, forwards, counter-clockwise, centrifugal, anti-gravitational, logarithmic, linear order.
Reasons Why I’ve Been Delinquent With Posts
- My dog ate them.
- I was abducted by aliens.
- I shrunk myself to explore the inner-working of my computer… and got lost.
- I lost my computer in a giant stromboli.
- I had to go to rehab for my Febreze addiction.
- I was captured and held hostage by evil lawn gnomes.
There you have it. Alack alas, those are the reasons why I’m two days delinquent in myposts. It’s okay. There’s no need to feel sorry for me because I’m doing just fine (even if I am a little shaken up by all the ordeals I’ve gone through). If you find it hard to believe, well….. too bad. That’s what happened. End of story. However, as a show of good faith for those of you who went into withdrawal as a direct result of not getting your Chaz fix, I’ve decided to make this post a little bit special for you. So I thought I’d introduce to you what I’d like to call a Chaz-o-vation, an utterly brilliant, mesmerizing invention so genius in its design it could only be thought up by yours truly.
Chaz-o-vation of the Month
With the invention of portable digital music jukeboxes (a.k.a., portable mp3 players), it has become possible to take one’s entire music collection with him or her wherever he or she may go. Essentially, everyone has a portable DJ in their pocket, but there’s just one thing missing. A night club. Yes, yes… that’s right. I am proposing a portable night club complete with strobe lights, crazy cages, full bar, and lots of people dancing all one in convenient, portable package. Why not? You can pack 10,000 songs in a super-tiny digital jukebox. Why not a night club? Here’s how it would work. It’s design would be straight out of Star Trek except it would be real. Think of a portable holodeck if you will. Well, yeah… that’s pretty much it. It’d be a portable holodeck that could be conveniently deployed from a handy Altoids tin to provide you with a completely immersive virtual reality environment. Why an Altoids tin you might ask? Well, for two reasons. First, if I put it in an Altoids tin I’d most certainly win the $1000 prize from Altoids for the most creative use of their iconic container, and secondly, why not? Yes, I know; it will revolutionize the world. Feel free to go ahead and say it, and in the meantime, I’ll go ahead and thank you for the compliment in advance. Isn’t it amazing how brilliant I am… and modest too!
And there you have it. The first Chaz-o-vation in what will prove to be a long line of Chaz-o-vations that will ultimately revolutionize the world!
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{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }
I am glad that you gave the “Chaz-o-vation.” It really makes up for the lack of posts. I was seriously going into major withdrawl and had to hide myself in a clost whit my laptop while frantically pressing the refresh button on your page to see if your new post had been added. It is nice seeing the light again. Thanks!
Don’t worry… We all slip… And of course all of those are GOOD reasons!
we missed you! loved the night club in a pocket! i want mine to be disco-savvy. can we order with our own exclusive designs?
Tanya: I’m glad to hear you’re doing better now. Although, I’d advise against refreshing repeatedly like that as you could wear out your button. Then you’d really be in trouble.
Michael: It’s amazing how difficult it can be to post when you’ve got all so many things just getting in the way. Don’t worry though, I’m installing a lawn gnome alarm this week. I just need some tin foil, a doggy chew toy, 6 pounds of jello, and a rubber shoe.
Apryl: Ahhh, what a good idea, and yes, since they’re portable holodecks you can create any type of night club environment you want!