I’ve noticed a recent trend in regards to the food I order and the food I receive. In short, the two are frequently not the same. The first few times it happened I’d ordered from a local Mexican restaurant where the owners and employees of the establishment are as authentic as the food they serve (isn’t that nice and politically correct?). Thus, I didn’t give it too much thought and just attributed it to the fact that I spoke English and they only spoke Spanish or some variation of English. Hmmm, that sounds a little harsh, doesn’t it? It’s okay, however, since I have Hispanic heritage. Therefore, it’s equivalent to fat people making fun of fat people or African Americans using the “N” word. You see… “it’s all good”! It was when I started receiving the wrong items from restaurants from which I knew there was no language that I started realizing I somehow illicited incorrect orders. I know what you’re thinking, “But Chaz, everyone gets orders mixed up every now and then, and little mix-ups are to be expected.”
Well, let me just say that I often don’t get little mix-ups with my orders. I wouldn’t be so worried about this if it were limited to little things like receiving mayo or pickles on a sandwich when I’d requested them to be removed. I’m talking about things like ordering two chicken burritos and receiving one chicken quesadilla or ordering a bowl of chicken noodle soup and receiving broccoli with cheese soup instead. How are those even remotely the same? It’s not limited to those, but those just seem to stand out in my mind. I mean a quesadilla is by no means nearly the same thing as a burrito, and I’d hope one understands that one and two are different numbers. To mix up both on one order blows my mind! I’m also not sure how one gets broccoli with cheese mixed up with chicken noodle. Afterall, I can’t ever remember confusin broccoli with chicken or cheese with noodles, but hey, what do I know?
I’ve been trying very hard to figure out why these culinary mix-ups seem to occur so frequently, and I’ve come to the conclusion that I must speak gibberish when I place food orders. That’s all I can come up with. Afterall, when I’m not ordering food nobody has any troubles understanding the words emanating from my mouth. However, this does fail to explain how they mix-up orders placed online since that obviates the need for me to speak. So maybe anything I come into contact with spews out gibberish when I place orders that have anything even remotely related to food. I really believe this means I’m going to need to employ someone who’s sole purpose is to order food for me. That may be the only way I can manage to confidently perform any food transaction over the phone or any other medium where I am not present.
In fact, this whole trend with food has really got me scared. What if this starts happening in places where it really matters? What if one day I decide to use some online dating service and request that I be paired up with women only to find out that all of my matches are from big, burly men? Yeah, this trend is definitely not good, and I must certainly hope it doesn’t permeate into other aspects of my life. I think it’s time for me to go curl up in a ball and quiver in fear over that prospect.
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